A worthless thought

There's been a lot of talk about a lot of things recently and a lot of new ideas forming in my head that i have yet to make sense of. There's been a lot of events that have pressed against me and are in the process of forming me. Yet not everything is done working so i can breath.

Despite the transforming and the changing and whatever else it is, One of those things that have been bubbling in my mind is this idea of identity. Who we see ourselves as, who we feel others think we are, and who we want ourselves to be. I have come to the conclusion that I am not just a word. I am several different words but at the same time wordless. There is nothing that can describe who I am or what I am or who i will become. I guess that is why we all have names- not just for labeling but to create one word that can truly define us.

I am Tabitha.
yea, that makes sense.

Jesus Called

I was reading a post from 'Stuff Christians Like' and it was talking about saying that are, well said, when someone has moved on. He asked everyone to put down their own personal favorite sayings and one person wrote down "Jesus Called". I think i'm going to take that one.

I know personally i've relinquished my fear of death or dying- i know who i'm going to meet on the other side. But this talk of passing away and the attitude of the mourners made me realize that I'd rather have people honor my passing by being joyful- not unhappy. I, of course, realize that no one is going to be too joyful- i just died- but that spirit should be in the back of their minds. I love to laugh, i love to have a good time, i love to cheer people up, my funeral shouldn't be a Debby downer. There's a passage in 2 Timothy that i love, and when i read it i knew that this was what i wanted to be able to say by the time i was on my death bed:

For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. (2Tim.4:6-8)

I know that i want to leave saying "i've fought the good fight, i have finished the race- now Jesus is calling me to come home." How amazing it will be to be able to say those words. To know that i've done the will of my father, and that he has said 'well done, good and faithful servant. Come and dwell with me." It brings excitement into my heart. I wonder what other people, who do not know my father, feel about death. I wonder what kind of emotions go through their minds when they think about the moment their on that death bed. will they be able to know with confidence what and who is going to meet them when they open their eyes again? or is there an ever pressing 'what if...' on their minds when they play that last scene over and over.

How My People Suffer.

So This semester we are focusing on Globalization and for this assignment that i have, i needed to pick a developing country and record it's MDG goals and blah blah blah...
anyways! i chose, for this specific project my homeland Jamaica *nuf respect* and my friend sent me this video that talks about Jamaica and how it has been impacted by globalization.

The documentary is called Life and Debt: Globalization and Jamaica
It's is by Stephanie Black and it was released in 2001
you can find the video Here
it's a long one (like an 1.5hrs) but it's worth the watch ^_^

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just watching this documentary just makes me feel more obligated to go back to Jamaica and help my people. That's my country that's suffering- a nation of strong people; of proud people.
They don't take crap from no one and yet they are forced to do it anyway. In every Jamaican i saw interviewed i could hear an echo of my father. There's real passion and concern and willingness to understand what is going on and to tell everyone you can that you are not ok with this.
Maybe i'm biased but i don't think you see that kind of attitude anywhere else.

Peacing It <3>

I've been thinking a lot lately

"The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever" Isaiah 32:17

It's taken the whole month of January for God to get it through my head how important it is that i make sure i read his Word every single day.

So I went to church on Sunday and my amazing pastor just so happen to talk about the Bible and it's importance in a Christian's life (you will find a link to the series here- the service i'm talking about is 'The Bible Declassified' i recommend watching the video just because i think it helps to see him as well...and his props and hand gestures :P...). I think it's just funny how God does that sometimes. Like he knew that this was an issue with me and he knew that this has been something that i've been struggling with but just to hear it sometimes makes all the difference. i just had to say "Ok God, i get it! i knoooowww...." but i'm still glad he called me out on it. I am happy to say tho that i have been doing my devotions daily since sunday (i know, i know that's only two days tabby... :P) and that is how i came across the verse above.

If you have been following my blog, you know that i've been feeling awfully tired lately and kind of at a time when i just want to live and exist in peace. This verse just says it to me because it says that you find that peace and that quietness by dwelling in righteousness. Righteousness= Chirst-like and being Christ-like means working on ur relationship with Jesus and through him God (i would explain how i connected everything together but that can easily be a long explanation and i'm not really up for it right now :P). So basically, i can fiiiind that peace and that rest by just dwelling in God! The One thing that i can fully trust to always be there and to keep His Word!!! This is a message that i've heard and has been said many times but i haven't truly understood it until now. And that's why God is amazing- he's just full of surprises ^_^.

On the subject of faith, i have kind of been meditating on the idea of having a dedicated blog for things of God and the Church and my relationship with both. Of course, i don't mean i won't write the occasional Jesus moments here as well but i think it may motivate me more to regularly do my devotions by having a blog there to write about my findings. I'll let you know when it's up and ready :)

On a lighter note!
I said it once (to her) and i'm gonna say it again, I love my buddy Andrea b/c she is my mecca of good music and all that is random :P (her blog page is here)
no list today but i must say that i absolutely LOVE this band she introduced me to called +/- (plus/minus)

idk, they're amazing...look it up, NOW!!! O.O (don't worry, i'll give you the usual picture and link)


Their music is pretty off beat and really really chill (some of their songs are too chill for me...) but i do enjoy the song "Steal The Blueprints" and "all i do" while Andrea loves the song "Snowblind"
i dunno, depends on what you like i guess.
***here's the last.fm link as well***

Ok! that was fun!!! now it's time to take a nap
-_- Zzz...


Peacing it <3
*pst...Andrea! now you HAVE to update that thing more often!!! ;D*

Four days late =3

I know it's a bit late but i still think it's necessary to open up the new year with a new year post ^_^.

I think it's times like these that you start remembering how long a year is. I mean, this time last year i was a senior in high school stressing over my University of Chicago interview, trying not to fail AP Lit. and Comp., and probably trying on my recently bought prom dress (which was purple and amazing!!!)
I mean, just this past June i graduated and just this past summer i went on my one month missions trip to Italy and just this August i attended MSU!

It's crazy how easy it is for time to just slip through your hands. it's kind of scary actually b/c that means it's very possible for me to find myself a 40yr old living in an apartment somewhere sitting in the kitchen and thinking about how i wasted those few precious years i had doing absolutely nothing. I think that time passes quicker as you get older. maybe that's why it's easier to remember things that happened to you as a child- things took forever back then. I'd rather it be that way...

The point is, i finally understand why people say that time is a precious thing. It's irreplaceable yet so easy to throw away- I don't think i can consider my first 18 years a waste, i feel like i could have done more but not too much more. These few years to come, however, are precious. There's so much to do! i want to love, i want change, i want to experience everything and anything, i want to make a difference and i want to savor every moment of it.

I don't believe in making new year resolutions because i have a bad habit of getting really depressed when i don't live up to my own standards. Not saying i don't have goals, i just don't want to put them in writing because i'm afraid that i might not meet them.

One that i'll write out, because this is one that i must meet by the end of this year,is i need to make sure that i have my time with God on a daily basis.I know that meeting that goal this year will help me meet many of my other goals as well.

On a lighter note- ^_^
I've been doing my rounds on last.fm and found some music that i liked:

Little Joy-













I love their album (which is self titled). It's been a long time since i've been satisfied with the variety found in an album. Each song sounds different but you can still tell it's Little Joy

Tom Vek-

















I love his song Nothing But Green Lights but apparently he's been on the dl since his first album...there might be another one coming out this year but i don't know, don't ask me :P

Crystal Castles-












I think i would LOVE them if it weren't for the fact that I hear their album like EVERY OTHER DAY at work T_T. But i still really really like them, and even though i kind of wince everytime a track of theirs plays on my shuffle, i can't help but dance to their beat =3. I can't even tell you what my favorite song is from them cause i kind of love them all

(one more :P)
Does it Offend You, Yeah?














Usually i'm not a big fan of punky techno music but i like them! (haha, that could partialy be b/c of their name...) I think my favorite song from them are We Are Rockstars and With a Heavy Heart

so that concludes my extra long post of the new year! ^_^

Peacing it <3

What happens when it's early morning and you have internet

So i was doing my rounds on the Internet this morning- i woke up randomly at like 4am so i decided to pick up my laptop and wonder aimlessly around the internet (that means facebook, last.fm, blogspot, myspace, and youtube :P). now while on youtube, i was watching some random videos from youtubers starting with littleradge, then robofillet, then some random ppl and finally to halfscottishguy. I was watching halfscottishguy's video named food for worms (which you will find a link for here) and he brought up the issue of religion. Now i know that religion is a touchy subject and if anyone is just passing by and sees this post almost all of those persons would automatically exit from the screen and move on with life
I can't blame them, the topic has the power to tear families apart
yet still i find it a subject that i don't mind talking about anyway because, if you know me, i am a christian and i do love Jesus.
again! if anyone had stayed long enough to get to the previous line, you probably automatically exited this page and moved on with life- probably cursing me a little while you did it.

now then, for the ones that i didn't lose, i hope you would read my post to the end and maybe leave a response for me- i don't know if anyone will or not but it would be nice to hear from someone.

Ok, so first off i wanted to just point out some of the things that HSG talked about in his video. On the topic of religion being a bad thing i agree fully with him. How is it that being 'religious' or believing in something fully and strongly is a bad thing? I understand the value of science and i understand the value of reason and i understand the value of proof but we are humans- we are people. we are different from what this world consists of. I have a mind, i imagine, i have complex thought. i love, i want, i need, i feel pain, i suffer, i fear. I am. Together we as people make a community- we make ourselves a tribe, a society a civilization! All civilizations at some point or the other make themselves a set of rules because they all come to the conclusion that there is a wrong and a right. You will never find any place ever that feels like anything goes. There hasn't and never will be a place on this earth where there will be a system that accepts there is no wrong or right. so in short, we have a conscious! how do you explain the idea of having a conscious? Science can explain a lot of things but it can't explain everything. I believe that there i a moment in every persons life that cannot be explained. There will be a point in time where you know something happened- if you tell anyone they might be able to explain it away, but you know, you know that there was something more that was going on in that moment. Science won't back it up and there is no proof to it but what you saw, felt, and experienced yourself- and yet it was still real.

If there is no such thing as magic, if there is no such thing as spirituality then why is it that so many people all over the world have had ridiculous supernatural moments? yea, i don't believe most of them either but still, there must be a reason for these encounters that cannot be explained (or maybe the yearning for such encounters?)

Anyway, back to HSG's video- he also mentioned something that i felt compelled to stew over a little. It was the idea of not forcing your beliefs on anyone else. That's the excuse and the warning that is used so often now a days that i think one should rethink the meaning of that phrase. What, really, is considered forcing your beliefs to another person? At what point is it considered force? Is it possible to just have a discussion about religion? is that considered forcing? I mean, if you know me, i'm a very argumentative person- not because i want to be annoying...usually...but because i like to be challenged. I like to push ppl and i liked to be pushed back- idk maybe there's not a lot of ppl like me out there. But i would think that religion would be a touchy yet interesting subject to have a conversation about- if both parties are willing. Ah! so that may be the problem!! sometimes both parties are not willing. But if someone is doing something like, oh i dunno... a blog? or a vlog? or anything like that? How can that be considered forcing your beliefs on others? the viewer has the option of tuning in or not- why must we say "I don't want to force my beliefs on theirs" when your not? all your doing is putting the belief that you feel is true out there for people to see and either take or leave.

Ok, to HSG's question- Do i believe in an afterlife? What do i think happens when we die?
HSG does not believe in anything- that there is nothing after death. Just darkness. I actually can understand how that could be a very releasing thought. It gives you the freedom to think that one should not waste time with foolishness and should live life to the fullest, go out, be! and then when you die, you have peace...
but what if that isn't the case? what if you wake up again to find out that death is not the end and that there is something more? I'm not going to use this to inject my own belief in God but the question still holds. What if you are wrong? We are wired to believe that there is something more that what this life is. Yea, i think in a society where progress and science runs ramped, ppl try to explain away the fact that there is nothing more and no supreme being but the idea still lingers in one's mind. No one says "but there is nothing." and just walks away without giving the idea a second thought.

What also stuck me in the video is the idea many people have now a days about their own personal beliefs. "this is what i believe happens" "this is who I think God is" "This is how I think we go to heaven"- we can't all be right if something happens after death. If we are all right and our afterlife caters to the belief system that we want then we accept the fact that we are all Gods (the Mormons don't look so crazy now do they?) and that we have the power to control how our heaven will be when we know we have no control over anything in the first place. If there is right and wrong, how is it that there can be no heaven AND hell? is the idea of a hell something that is feared? does it make one face up to the idea that some things in their life may have been wrong to do? If there is right or wrong, why believe in just a heaven? it makes no sense, logically speaking, to get rewarded after death just for the heck of it? if there isn't right or wrong, then why would there be a reward for just dying? If one believes in a heaven, there must be a kind of hell.

Of course, one may ask- "well Tabby, what if you're wrong?"
my answer is simply that i don't believe that i am wrong- in fact i'll go on to say that i know that i am not wrong. That i because i fully and totally, with all my mind and my being believe that there is a God and he has a Son named Jesus and he put his words into a book called the Bible. I can try to explain away why and how everything and anything could happen but in the end it wouldn't matter because some things in life can't be explained away. there is a layer of reality that should be recognized in one way or another that doesn't follow the rules of science.

I think people who don't have true faith, i mean a faith that you wake up thinking about and obsessing about, cannot understand what it means for one to know what they believe in is true. That is because that person has put all their trust, more trust than they would put on a life long best friend or themselves, into that faith. When you put all of yourself into something that is above human error there is no longer any 'i believe' there is only 'i know.' Or else, it means that you really are not sure and there fore you do not have all trust in what you are saying-it is prone to error.

That's all i have to say. Again, i do not believe in apologizing for my post because I am stating what i believe on my own sight. Leave a message if you like- i would enjoy reading something like i'm still on break ^_^

Peacing it <3